


Inner Demons

by KuS



Category: MapleStory
Genre: Blood, Death, PTSD, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 08:05:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16058978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuS/pseuds/KuS
Summary: This story is about Ark's inner turmoil and takes place some time after he meets Illium.Reader discretion is advised as this story may contain some elements that readers may find uncomfortable.





	Inner Demons

It was another tumultuous night. Ark was tossing and turning in his sleep. Even before graduating the academy, he had trouble sleeping. Now, ever since he awoke from the abyss, it seems that every night has been marred with nightmares.

When was the last time he slept well?

In his dream, he was confronting Alber. It was difficult for him to keep up. Alber was right: Ark was weak. He was no longer a match for him. Ark was terrified and desperate to subdue Alber. In his fear and desperation, he wavered and the specter overwhelmed him.

He blacked out for what seemed to be only a moment, but when he came to, he saw that he had pierced Alber’s heart with his specter arm. He felt exhilarated. The excitement coursed through his body, but this only lasted for a second. When he realized what he had done, the high was drained from his body and replaced with dread and nausea.

Alber gave Ark one last pained look before his body gave out. Ark pulled his arm out of Alber, causing Alber to fall over and lie prone. He looked at the blood that covered his specter hand, and then back at Alber.

“Alber!” He screamed frantically. “Alber! Get up! I’m sorry!”

But there was no reply, only labored breathing that was rapidly losing vigor. The light from Alber’s wings was dissipating, leaving behind little orbs of orange light that soon faded out as well. Blood was seeping out from Alber, expanding across the ground. The smell of iron stung Ark’s nose.

Ark abruptly woke up. He could still smell the iron and feel the warmth of the blood on his hand. His heart was beating fiercely, its sound drowned out the other ambient sounds of the night. Despite it being a warm night, he was shivering as he was covered in cold sweat. He sat up, held his head with his normal hand, and took a deep breath.

His specter arm was throbbing. It was compelling him to give in.

Ark furrowed his eyebrows and grit his teeth, “I’ll never give you control.” He thought.

He tried to calm down, but found himself barraged with memories. He curled his fingers inward, digging them into his head.

He remembered one of his first missions on the Western Front. He sealed off the enemies’ escape route and watched as the barbarians were slaughtered by a seemingly never ending rain of magic bullets. The tears, the look of horror on their faces, their bloodcurdling shrieks, they would be forever ingrained in his memory. It was a difficult sight to behold.

But these actions were necessary. These barbarians could not be reasoned with. They refused to compromise with the High Lefs and acted with hostility. If they were not willing to join the cause, then they opposed it. Anyone who objects against the High Lefs objects against peace.

They had to be sacrificed as a means to end all tragedies.

Even if Ark had trouble stomaching the massacre, he bore it with these thoughts. This is what it means to be a soldier. He should have known, so why was he having difficulties with the reality?

He remembered celebrating the victory with his comrades.

“Victory for us! Glory to the Lefs!”

He had contributed to his first victory. He remembered the giddy feelings he had as he thought of how he was another step closer to his dream. If he continued to be obedient and follow orders, he would quickly rise in rank.

It was difficult for Ark to accept what he had done. He wanted to justify his actions to appease his guilt, but ultimately could not when he faced the truth of the situation.

“I was just following orders… I didn’t know better. I - I - I just wanted to make the world a better place. I…”

“I really helped massacre them.”

He felt an urge to throw up.

“It’s disgusting. Why was I so happy thinking that I was going to climb ranks? I can’t believe I thought I was acting in the name of peace… I helped kill them. They’re gone now. There isn’t anything I can do about that. I can’t undo what I have done.”

His mouth was quivering and there was a burning sensation in his eyes, but he resisted his tears.

While contemplating his actions, another memory ambushed him. He recalled the time when he was expressing his doubts to Alber. If it was his own best friend, he thought that he could confide in him. But that was not the case.

“They don’t stand a chance against us… This is just… Butchery!”

“No, Ark! Are you out of your mind?!”

“Alber… I can’t do this… It’s wrong.”

“Stop whining! You knew this would happen! Everything requires a sacrifice! The end justifies the means. Only idealists don’t believe that. Man up. This is the path we’ve chosen.”

Once again these thoughts had come to confront Ark amidst his doubt, but they could no longer sustain his devotion to the cause.

Hearing these words from Alber was alienating. This was the first time Ark ever truly felt a rift between him and Alber.

The feelings of betrayal, loneliness, and helplessness were renewed in him once more. Ark felt his upper body, especially his hands, heat up with anger. He wasn’t shivering anymore. He clenched his blanket tightly. His hands were trembling from the amount of force pent into his hands, and from his rage.

Ark was rushed by another memory. It was when his abyssal ritual was beginning.

He tried to resist with all his might, but could do nothing as the abyss consumed him. He remembered the sadness and guilt of failing his promise to Alber.

It was incredibly shocking for him to see Alber run toward him, but as his strength was being sapped from him, he could only manage to utter “Alber… what are you doing here?”

“Ark, I don’t understand you.”

Suddenly, the image of him killing Alber took over his mind. He recalled the brief rapture upon his success, the blood splattered all over him, the victorious scent of iron.

This is wrong. He shouldn’t be indulging in these sinful feelings. He felt overcome by an immense wave of guilt.

It was too much for Ark to bear. He finally gave in to his urge to hurl and started dry heaving. He tried to force something out, but nothing was expelled. He was able to alleviate some pain in his stomach, but strained his throat in the process.

The compulsion to surrender himself to his other counterpart rose again. It always grew stronger in times of weakness and vulnerability.

Ark knew that he was never to give in to the specter. This temptation scared Ark and disgusted him. It was absolutely repugnant. He knew that nothing good could come from it.

Yet even as his mind thought this, his heart felt differently. This temptation was dangerously sweet and alluring. He knew what it had to offer, for he always gets a lick of the ecstasy when he borrows the specter’s power. But a lick is never enough. He ravenously craved more.

No matter how much his heart wished to give in, his mind stood resolute. The raging dissonance between the two constantly gave Ark great turmoil. His body was shaking from the unfulfilled desire in his heart. It seemed to suck all the energy from his body and concentrate it at his core.

“I want to talk to someone.” He thought.

He went over the list of people he considered confiding in.

“The Caravan… I don’t know where they are right now, and I’m not sure I want to burden them. I don’t want to interrupt their journey.”

“Cadena? Even if things are better between us now, I still feel like there’s some tension from her. She’d probably question my resolve if I talked to her.”

“Athena Pierce has helped me enough already. I think she’s busy enough with her other responsibilities. I don’t want to take up her time, especially with something this heavy.” He considered Kaiser and Angelic Buster too, but ultimately came to the same conclusion he had for Athena Pierce.

“My relationship with Illium is cordial, but I don’t know him well enough either.”

He couldn’t justify bothering anyone about his troubles. In the end, the only person he truly felt okay talking to was Alber.

“I’m so pathetic. The only person I’d be willing to talk to about this was the one who betrayed me.” He thought to himself and let out a brief, pained laugh. “Heh… I miss Alber.”

“Hey Alber, where are you? What are you doing now?” He said aloud, hoping that his words would somehow reach him.

Ark’s face scrunched up and tears started streaming down his face. He tried to hold it in, but this was his breaking point. He felt alone in this ordeal and the only person he could completely open himself to was unavailable.

“You know I- when I go and see new places, I always think about all things you’d say, the jokes we’d tell, the stuff we’d do. I have so much that I want to tell you. Even after everything that has happened, you have never left my thoughts.”

His heart was bursting with grief and temptation. He wiped his tears and then clenched his shirt where his sternum was.

Alber’s words echoed again in Ark’s mind, “Ark, I don’t understand you.”

“…”

“You’re the one I don’t understand!” He yelled angrily. “Alber, why did you do this? What happened while I was gone? Why did you change!?”

Ark let go of his shirt and held his face in his hand. This bout of anger quickly flushed out of him, and now he felt cold and small.

“Did this happen because I wasn’t determined enough? What could I have done differently? Where did we go wrong? I’m sorry Alber. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you, that I couldn’t stop you from becoming what you are now. I hope you’re doing okay.”

He took a deep breath and cried even harder.

“I miss you Alber.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello. This is my first fanfic for Maplestory; I hope you've enjoyed it. Please let me know if you have any thoughts, comments, or constructive criticisms.
> 
> I love Ark. I think his character has a lot of potential to be explored, namely his involvement in the war being a great part of his struggle. I enjoyed the monologues he has in game, but I feel that Nexon could go deeper into his turmoil. I have a feeling that Nexon probably won't expand on this as much as I would like them to, so I'm taking matters into my own hands.
> 
> I'm not sure how formatting works here. Does it look bad on the eyes?


End file.
